Why.so.curious

I have been wondering since morning what to write. Not because I don't know what to write. But because I have so much to write. I kinda now understand the rules of life. Because I am living a life now. I couldn't be happier and prouder of myself. What has changed in last one year? Well, a lot.

An year back, I decided to move on from my first startup. A well funded startup. It was a hard decision. But I took one. Felt like a defeat. Felt the world probably got crushed down. I decided to not do anything post that & just follow my curiosity. Boy oh o boy. What a fun ride for last one year. Just following curiosity everyday. Building whatever the hack I like. Last week, I decided to raise and again got funding for my new startup. When your house is burnt down from a fire, it feels bad. This is when life happens to you. But when you build the same house again brick by brick. That's when you happen to life.

I had a good amout of time in last one year. For no reason, I wanted to know myself more. Who is Naman? Why is he the way it is? The more I thought about it and asked the question to universe, the more I understood that we underestimate how much of this 'us' is shaped by the childhood. One of the example I could probably quote was being stingy when I had money to run the company. A good amount of money. Being stingy is not all wrong as a founder but you ought to know where you should spend money like getting the best devices and having good fun with team. I was raised in a resource contrained environement but that was not the case when I was running the company. understood the word empathy for the first time in life. Probably because I had not seen a lot of empathy.

Almost all of the traits you form in your first 10 years of life are carried by you for the life time unless you 'reprogram yourself'. What do I mean by reprograming? It essentially to some extent rewiring your brain. Your childhood is shaped by people that surrounded you at that time which in most cases are your parents and teachers. A single nudge from a parent on any direction can end up defining your life. If they shout at you for doing something outside the normal routine, you probably might not do anything out of routine for the rest of your life. A single nudge from a teacher, that you can speak very well in public setting might end up making you the one of the best orators.

How do I know this? Well, as I mentioned I got ample of time post my first startup. To think about my own journey. For the first time, I did not have anything to do when I woke up. No school. No college. No job. No startup. It was a void. Void was very uncomfortable. But just one day in that sense of uncomfort, I gathered courage to go more into the void instead of coming out of it. Its like your are stadning at the the event horizon, a starship is waiting to take you to your good old earth and you decide to take a jump into black hole. Oh poor Cooper!

When I was in the void, I noticed most of my actions are subconscious. Most of thoughts are subconscious. The way I react in most situations is subconscious. I kinda made this 'mental model' (pun intended), that in my skull is an egg. The egg has an outer layer like egg white and an inner hidden yolk. You are born with a yolk and maybe a very thin or no egg white. As the egg white is very thin when you are young, you absorb almost everything from the surrounding environement. There is no filter. The yolk is an innocent little yellow pudding that's a gift of evolution when you are in the womb. But as you come out, it start to actually actually absorb things like a sponge from the external world. There have been theories like this before like left brain, right brain. Slow & fast thinking. Shadow & real self. My ideas are similar yet different.

So two things start to happen simultaneously as you grow up. Your yolk start absorbing things and also your egg white start to grow. The best way to understand egg white is that it comprise of the rules that world would want you to follow to maintain the 'order'. Its also similar to shadow that you form to be likable to the world and to be not outcasted. Egg white is social adpatation of your being to the world surrounding you.

The most important observation for me has been that as you tend to grow up, things that can actually affect your yolk are very minimal because of the thick egg white. If you saw your parents fighting for example, the way you love someone or your own children is deeply impacted by it. There is lot of emotional programming that has happened duing those early year which is hard to rewire. It could be rewired for sure but its hard. The first step is also to extent acknowledgement which most people can't get to. Why are some people shy and some always talk a lot. Why do some people feel a lot while do some form a thick wall around themselves to not feel. Most answers are there in the childhood.

The big thing is the egg while is important but it should not grow so thick that, we don't listen to our subconsious. What the oldies use to call 'gut feel' is actually what our yolk wants. There alwasy comes a day of reckoning when you yolk can't take it anymore, when all you have done is ignored it and taken a shallow shelter under the egg white.

As I got more connected to more of my yolk, one of the important insight I discovered was that the best way to listen to it is actually pay heed into random curiosities at time. Curiosity is probably nothing but your subconscious need to explore more. its your true desires. Maybe your curiosity last for a day or maybe a month or maybe a lifetime. That's not the point. But allowing yourself to lean into those curiosities is kinda doing yourself a favor!

Outliers lie at the edge of yolk and white. Those who can navigate this duality are best able to lead a very a happy life!

Now coming to something that I have been upto. I remember telling my brother out of nowhere, how something like Rabbit R1 if done right could be very useful to kids. As they are just trying to learn about the world. This infinitely patient teacher (AI) which we now have could be best delivered to kids in this format as they don't have mobiles like us. And ofcourse they don't need mobiles like us. On one random day, my cousin was visiting us. He has a kid. I notices his fascination and love with Alexa. And just out of nowhere, something came of my yolk. Let us build a better Alexa for kids.

There is this famous story of Einstein given a compass at hte age of four by his dad. He just kept on wondering like any normal kid why does it point south or north. This curiosity led to a life long pursuit in physics. In one of the documentary I remember a kid asking Einetien, how can I become like you. He just replied, I just asked a lot of questions. I was just curious.

Humans are innately curious but the curisoty gets bogged when you are in a structurally world for survival. But kids are not fighting for survival. If parents decently well off, then its not to hard to nurture their curiosities. Let them ask more and more questions about world. Like Elon says, its not abou the answers, its anout asking the right questions.

All of this came together on one random night when, we saw Zuck launching smart glasses. What if I can ask quesions without any friction of asking someone. That night bunny was born. We are in unique point in history where intelligence is abundance. Its more abundant then when internet came off. I tend to now think of internet as book that we all wrote for last 30 years and AI as a teacher who has consumed that book inside out. It made sense to me to make it available this teacher to audience who needs a teacher most, the kids. Maybe not nerd glasses to wear all the time but something more fun & cool!